


More Than Nothing

by anneryn7



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: Abuse, Drug Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Coercion, Physical Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Coercion, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Toxic Relationships, Triggers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:14:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27116632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anneryn7/pseuds/anneryn7
Summary: There is no happy ending for me - I know that. No one is coming to save. This hell hole is my life and I'm never going to be able to escape it. I know what my life is. A new neighbor can't change that. Can it?
Relationships: Synyster Gates/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. It's hell, but it's my life.

**Author's Note:**

> I started this story years ago and posted it to an a7x site. Slowly transferring it over here.
> 
> I DO NOT OWN AVENGED SEVENFOLD OR IT'S MEMBERS.
> 
> A/N: I cannot stress this enough, MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS. I’m incapable of writing happy stories (or only happy stories), without writing a depressing one to balance it out. I’m sure that there’s something wrong with me.

Chapter One:

* * *

“If you even think about leaving, I swear to God, I will kill you.” Michael hissed in my ear. I shivered against him and bit down on my lip, to stay quiet. He moved his hand off of my neck and pulled up his pants and left our apartment. I held my breath, until I was sure that he was gone.  
  
I took a deep, shaky breath, as hot tears blazed down my cheeks. I don't know how I'm going to pick myself up and brush myself off after this.  
  
There is no happy ending for me - I know that. No one is coming to save. This hell hole is my life and I'm never going to be able to escape it.  
  
Michael has made it perfectly clear that even if I did find a way out of this sadistic marriage, that he would find me and kill me and he would be happy to do it. I tried to leave before, twice. I regretted both ever since.  
  
The first time I tried to leave my husband, he had come early. I wasn't expecting him back for another few hours. My bags were packed and I was halfway to my car. He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me back into our home, sobbing, kicking and screaming. He laid the hurt on me worse than he ever had before, that night. I couldn't walk for a week, let alone go to the hospital.  
  
One of his closest confidants is a well-respected doctor, if only the world knew just how cruel he could be... I doubt they would love him so much. He patches me up, after Michael is through with me. When Michael is in particularly generous moods, Nick gets to share me.  
  
It doesn't matter if I want it or not, it never has. I was only fifteen, when I met Michael. He was twenty, but he didn't let the age difference stop him. Truth be told, there was very little that could stop him. It's terrifying.  
  
My mother was having a fling with Michael's older brother, at the time. It didn't last. Most of her relationships didn't.  
  
When I met Michael, I knew that my life would never be the same, I just didn't know why. He was persistent, annoyingly so. I had never gotten the type of attention that he was giving me. I had never gotten any attention from anyone, period. I didn't have any friends. My mom cared more about her next high, than she did me. My dad bolted, right after I was born. And what little family I had left, my mother isolated us from.  
  
Michael quickly became my world. I was too young, too stupid, and too naïve to know better. I wish that I did. God, did I wish that I did.  
  
He convinced my mother to sign off on our marriage, a few months after we started dating. She couldn't care less. It was one less problem for her to deal with. He had me so brainwashed. I was so willing. I believed him, when he promised to give me a better life. He promised that I would be happy.  
  
What a load of fucking bullshit.  
  
The abuse started almost immediately following or wedding. My mother didn't care what happened to me. I wasn't her problem anymore. She made that much clear. Michael's brother was a cop and they both made it clear that if I talked, I would live to regret it. And I did.  
  
The second time I left him was two years ago. It was on my twenty-first birthday. I had just found out that I was pregnant and I was scared shitless. I knew that if I stayed, that our baby would become a casualty of this toxic marriage. I wasn't willing to risk it. I knew that I wouldn't be able to live with myself. So, I left.  
  
For three days, I was safe. I woke up to him in my hotel room, with a knife to my throat. Somehow, I managed to get away. To this day, I'm still not sure how. He grabbed me, just before I got to the staircase. He picked me up and threw me down the stairs. He didn't stop there. Most of it was a pain-induced blur.  
  
I miscarried and I stopped eating. I stopped fighting. I stopped caring. What was the point? My life wasn't my own. My body was his to take. My will was shattered. He broke me and he relished in it.  
  
He went out of his way to pick fights with me. He missed fighting. I could see it in his eyes. He lived for it, but I just couldn't anymore.  
  
He lost his patience and started feeding me pills, to make me human, again. I started eating again. Too much, he said. He loved being able to insult me, because of my weight. If I was too heavy for his liking, he would take away my food and starve me for days. If I stepped one toe out of line, he would cut off my access to my antidepressants. When I wouldn't play ball, he would invite his friends to play with me, each more vile than the last. Nothing was off limits for him. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I just want to die.

  
I jumped, as my phone went off.  
  
"Hello," I rasped.  
  
"The envelopes on the counter need to be mailed out, today. Clean yourself up and run to the store. Pick up something for dinner. Put on something nice for dinner. Just pretend for one night that you haven't completely let yourself go. You might even enjoy it. I took your car, because mine wouldn't start. If you can't find someone to take you, call Nick. He's been itching to spend some alone time with you. Do you understand?" Michael's voice was cold and hard and left no room for argument. I knew better.  
  
"Yes," I told him.  
  
"Good girl. Don't take too long." He ended the call. I took several deep breaths to try and get my anxiety under control. I have to find someone, it doesn't matter who. Being alone with Nick scares me, because he had no limits. He really would kill me.

* * *

I knocked tentatively on my neighbor's door. I know someone moved in, but I haven't seen who, yet. The door opened to a surprised, handsome face. I opened my mouth to rattle off the speech I practiced.  
  
"Hi, I just live across the way. I'm really sorry to bother you, but I'm having a bit of car trouble. My husband won't be back from work for a few hours. I was hoping that if it wouldn't be too much trouble that you could possibly take me to the market. I just need a few things and it shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes there, honest." I let out a shaky breath, when I was done. He looked shocked, to say the least. "Actually, it was silly of me to ask. It can wait, until later. I'm really sorry that I bothered you." I apologized. I turned around and pulled out my phone. I'll just call Nick.  
  
"Hey, wait, I can take you. I've actually gotta pick up a few things myself, anyways. Just let me grab my keys and some shoes."

* * *

I texted Michael in the car, to let him know that I found a ride. I awkwardly introduced myself and found out my neighbor's name was Brian. He was my a lot nicer than I expected.

* * *

I carried my two bags to my door, with Brian. It was awkward to say the least, but not unwelcome company. I prefer it to anyone else I know, but that probably isn't saying much.  
  
"Thank you. I seriously do appreciate this. If you ever need anything, please let me know." I thanked my new neighbor.  
  
"It was no trouble, honestly. If anything it gave me a break from unpacking. If I had to spend the rest of the day staring at boxes, I was gonna lose it." He smirked. I gave him a small smile in return. "I was beginning to forget what the outside looked like." He joked. I opened my mouth to say something, when I noticed Nick leaning against my front door.  
  
"Michael asked if I could check on you, since I had the day off, seeing as he didn't have time to take your car to the shop this morning." Nick explained, with an easy smile. I nodded, mutely.  
  
"I better get going. It was nice to meet you, Lacey." Brian excused himself. I turned my attention to Nick.  
  
"Come on. I'll help you put away your groceries." He offered, loud enough to be overheard. Well, shit. He took out his key to my apartment and opened the door for me. After I was inside, his mouth was on my neck. "Come on. Don't act so surprised. Was getting a ride from a complete stranger really better, than asking me for my help?" He asked me. I shivered against him. I didn't know what to say... Whatever I say will be wrong. It always is. "I've seen the way you look at me. Face it, we both know that without you Michael and I wouldn't even be friends. There would be no appeal. He's made it clear that he'll never let you go. Believe me, I've tried. I'd kill to have you all to myself. All this beauty and it's just wasted on him. Sure I play games just as much as the next guy, but if you were mine, I would worship you. You'd bear our children. The only reason your husband keeps me around is to clean up his messes and to keep you in check. You know that he wants you to keep me happy. Don't you want to keep me happy?" He breathed. I nodded, too scared to trust my voice. "Well, I want you to enjoy this. Come here." He commanded, as he directed me over to our guest bedroom. It's where he normally stays, while he's here. "Take off your clothes and get into the bed."

  
I did as I was told. He followed suit. He crawled onto the bed and took me into his arms. He made sure I was looking him in the eyes, as he let his hands wander all over my body. I shook with terror. It hasn't even been an hour, since Michael forced himself on me in the other room. I can't do this, again. I can't.  
  
"No," I breathed, meekly. I couldn't even get the bleeding to stop completely, when I patched myself up, before going to the store. Nick just smirked at me, before bringing his mouth roughly to my own.  
  
"I'm getting you off." He confessed. I shook my head, hurriedly.  
  
"Please, just take me and focus on you." I pleaded. They've taken enough from me. I don't want them to take this, too.  
  
"Where's the fun in that?" He asked with eyes full of mischief. He grabbed something next to him and used it to tie my arms behind my back. I didn't fight. I never do. They're not as violent, when I don't. I stayed completely still. I did my best to try and shut it out and ignore what was happening. It’s always harder with Nick, than it is with Michael. I wish I knew why… At least Michael never pretends that whatever this is that goes on between us isn’t something that it’s not. “God, fucking look at you. I hope you know that if Michael ever leaves the picture, you’re going to mine. There’s no way I’d ever let another man touch you.” He groaned. His hands were on me. He was trying to turn me on and it wasn’t working. It normally doesn’t. He kissed my neck and made his way down my body. I tried to recoil against him. This is new. He’s never tried this before. I don’t want him to do this. I don’t want them to take this from me, too.  
  
“No,” I breathed. I knew better. I should have kept my mouth shut, but I couldn’t this time. He bit down on my inner thigh, hard. I cried out. I felt my skin break. He glanced up at me, with a devious grin. He had blood all over his mouth. He looked as sinister as he actually is, for once.  
  
“Behave and you might actually enjoy it, Lace.” He scolded me. I clamped my mouth shut and stared at the ceiling. Tears burned my eyes and fell down my face. I hiccuped and tried not to care that I was showing weakness in front of him. God, I couldn’t be more pathetic if I tried.

* * *

I leaned against the toilet and wiped my mouth. I haven’t been able to stop dry-heaving. Nick is waiting for me to come out of the bathroom. I kept the door locked, knowing that he could just break it down, if he really wanted to. They’ve more than proven that point before. I took a deep breath and got into the shower. I fumbled with the razor blade in my hands. I knew that they didn’t care if I cut myself. I can’t stop. I’ve tried before, but what’s the point? It’s the only thing in my life that I can control. If I’m going to bleed, I should at least be able to be the one to do it.

* * *

I stood next to the stove, stirring the gravy. The roast was done. Dessert was finished. We’re just waiting on Michael to get home. If everything’s not ready when he walks in the door, there will be hell to pay. There always is. Nick has been more touchy-feely than usual. He keeps kissing on me and paying me compliments. He doesn’t mean them. I know that. It just makes it harder. It makes him unpredictable and it makes staying safe that much harder.  
  
“There you are.” Michael sang, when he walked through the door. I jumped and whirled around to look at him. The smirk on his face slid off, when he saw Nick’s arms around me. “Do I need to remind you who you belong to?” He growled. I shook my head. My heart sank into my stomach and I felt nauseous, despite not eating anything today. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” He asked Nick. His eyebrows rose and I tried to move away from him. He just held me still and made it impossible to move.  
  
“Relax, Mike. I checked on her, like you asked me to. You told me to keep her in place. What does it look like I’ve been doing?” Nick asked him, in a bored tone. Michael said nothing.  
  
“I-I’m sorry. H-he said that you said to keep him happy. I would never argue with anything you told me to do. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” I fell over myself apologizing. Michael looked at me and nodded.  
  
“Come here, Lace.” He commanded. I looked up at Nick, expectantly. He let his arms drop and I finally felt like I could breathe. I walked over to Michael and hugged him, timidly. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips against the top of my head. “Who do you belong to, baby girl?” He asked me, quietly.  
  
“You, only you,” I told him. He nodded.  
  
“Kiss me.” He demanded and I did. I stood on my tiptoes and forced myself to press my mouth against his. He tightened his grip on me. He picked me up and set me on the kitchen counter. He tore my underwear off and fumbled with the zipper on his pants. I couldn’t stop the shock from showing on my face. I made the mistake of looking up at him with fear in my eyes. He slapped me with the back of his hand. He pushed himself into me and I screamed. I was already so battered and bruised from earlier. I can’t keep going like this. I don’t know how they think that I can. They just don’t care. I tuned most of it out. It was over quickly. When he finished, he dug his thumb into Nick’s bite mark. I sobbed against him. He pulled out and moved away from me. I fell to the floor with a loud thud. I winced. Everything hurts, but that’s nothing new. It already did.  
  
Someone knocked on the door. They both looked at me expectantly. I pushed myself up off of the floor and pulled my dress down. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I knew that my lip was busted, but this would have to do. I don’t have time to do anything else. I walked over to the door and opened it, without looking to see who it was. Brian gaped at me, from the other side of our threshold.  
  
“You left these in my car. I thought you’d like them back.” He handed me a bag full of groceries. I could have sworn I had gotten them all. It’s not like me to forget. I forced a smile.  
  
“Thank you. I didn’t even realize that I was missing these.” I thanked him. He nodded and looked at me, nervously and obviously concerned.  
  
“Hey, are you okay? You’re bleeding.” He asked. I nodded and swiped at my lip, again.  
  
“I’m fine, just really clumsy. Thank you for these, again.” I tried to end our exchange, before either of the men watching me got pissed off and possessive.  
  
“Lace, don’t be rude. Would you like to stay for dinner? Lacey is a great cook and she always makes too much. I’d love to get to know the man who took my wife to the store. Not everyone would take time out of their day to help a stranger like that. It’s the least we can do, as a thank you.” Michael spoke up. I looked over at him terrified, but he had his charming smile on. He could charm the pants off of a nun, if he wanted to. I’d be surprised if he hasn’t.  
  
“Uh, yeah, that sounds great. Whatever she’s making smells really good, actually.” He admitted.  
  
“Great. Can I get you a beer? Please come in. Where are my manners? Lace, get him a beer.” Michael ordered me, softly. I nodded and moved away from the doorway. I set the groceries in the kitchen and grabbed a cold one from the fridge. I opened the bottle and handed it to my new neighbor.  
  
“Dinner’ll just be a minute. I just need to finish setting the table.” I announced.

“Perfect. That’s my girl.”


	2. Just get through tonight

Chapter 2:

* * *

Saying that I was nervous was an understatement. I’ve been walking on pins and needles, since Brian got here. I wish that he hadn’t accepted Michael’s offer for dinner. I feel like I can’t breathe and it’s only getting worse. I hate feeling like I’m suffocating. It never gets better, not really.

“Hey, do you need any help with anything?” Brian asked me, softly. I jumped a little, but managed to keep a poker face and shake my head to decline his offer.

“No, that’s alright. Why don’t you and the guys go wash up? It’s just about ready.” I said, instead. He nodded and Nick and Michael followed suit. They all went to wash up and I put dinner on the table. Too soon, I felt arms around my waist. I looked up to see Michael’s face studying me.

“If you’re a good girl and behave yourself, I’ll let you have a few days off. I have a business trip coming up, but I think some you time might do you some good. You’re no good to anybody, if you’re run ragged. Nick offered to take you to a spa retreat, while I’m gone. I’ve made it clear that he isn’t to harm you in anyway. Sure, I love to hurt you. You’re mine to bruise… but even I can see when I’ve gone too far and you need time to heal and recuperate. If you make it through tonight, I promise that you will have that. Okay, baby girl?” He asked me. I nodded, shakily.

“Th-thank you, Michael. That’s so thoughtful of you. I really appreciate that.” I whispered.

“I’d do anything for you, baby. You know that. I love you.” He murmured, as he kissed my neck.

“I love you, too,” I answered, with my practiced reply.

“Let me take care of dishing out dinner. Why don’t you go wash up and I’ll open a bottle of wine for you? You’re tense and that’s a dead give-away.” He offered. I turned around to face him and protest, but he shook his head, before I could get a word out. “Nick can handle the dishes. Just try and relax tonight. Let me take care of you. Let me take care of my wife.” He said. I nodded, with a small smile. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a small kiss on the mouth. I pulled away to see an actual smile from him. He did this sometimes, not often, but sometimes. I try not to question it and just go with it. I don’t get days of peace very often, so when I do, I relish in them. “Go on, baby. Take off your heels, relax.” And that was that.

I went into our room and did as he asked. I took off my heels and washed up in our bathroom. I cleaned the blood off of my face and covered up what I could. When I was finished, I went back out to find the guys congregated around the dining room table. Michael and Nick both smiled, when they saw me.

“My God, you’re beautiful.” Michael mused. I blushed, unable to help it. He so rarely pays me compliments. I wish that they still didn’t affect me. “You ready, baby girl?” He asked me. I nodded. He pulled out a chair for me at the table and helped me sit down. I had a feeling that this was just all a show to convince Brian that he was a loving, doting husband, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. It meant that I was safe for the time being. I don’t get that a lot. He poured me a glass on my favorite wine and left the bottle next to me. Everyone else sat down, after he did. They made small talk and I did my best to try and pay attention to it. I didn’t say much. I ate a little of my food, sipped my wine, and smiled encouragingly as they talked.

Before I knew it, the dinner was over and we were telling Brian goodnight. He left with an armful of leftovers in a Tupperware container and a smile on his face. It felt like a victory, even if it was a small one. A nonsuspicious neighbor meant a happy husband. A happy husband meant a safe wife. I’ll take it.

“You did so well, baby. I meant what I said. I leave tomorrow for my trip. Nick will accompany you to your spa retreat and make sure that you’re treated like a queen. If I hear that you’ve behaved yourself, when I’ve gotten back, I’ll see to it that you get a reward.” Michael promised. I nodded to him with a small smile, trying not to get my hopes up. It didn’t matter what he said, something normally happens before the reward can be delivered. Michael demands perfection and I’m far from perfect.


	3. Choose me.

Chapter Three:

* * *

True to his word, Michael didn’t give me any trouble. He left for his trip without incident. Still, I couldn’t shake the growing, gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that something horrible was about to happen. I knew that it was only a matter of time and this couldn’t last. It never did.  
  
Nick was great. He was being polite and considerate. If anything, he was behaving like a doting, loving husband should and that scared me to my core. He’s never really made an effort to hide how he feels about me. I wonder all the time about how different my life would have been, if I had met Nick, before Michael. I wondered if there was actually a gentler side to him – a loving side. I wondered if he meant all of the things that he’s said to me, if he would actually treat me like a queen. I wondered a lot of things that I knew would never be a possibility or turn into my reality. Why did I torture myself like this? God, what’s wrong with me? I wish I knew.  
  
I was on edge, even with Michael gone. Maybe that’s why I’m so beside myself. I’m not sure. There was something about the fact that I was going away with Nick – alone – that terrified me. When it’s just the two of us, there is a completely different dynamic. I didn’t know what to think or what to expect. That alone scared me more than I’d like to admit.  
  
In a lot of ways, Nick was completely different than Michael. His behavior is totally unpredictable. At least for the most part, I know what to expect with Michael… I’ve known him long enough. Nick is just another story entirely.  
  
I can’t help but think that our new neighbor is going to change things around here. Everyone else around here pretty much keeps to themselves. Maybe it’s my fault for asking him to take me to the market. I was just terrified of having to ask Nick to take me. Call it my gut instinct or whatever, but when Michael goes through that much effort to impress somebody, there is always a reason behind it. Always.  
  


* * *

  
“Oh, come on. Is spending time with me really that bad?” Nick asked me, with his signature charming smile. It’s the smile he always uses to dazzle his prey. If only people could tell that he is really a devil in disguise. No – that’d be too easy. When in my life has anything ever been easy? Ha, yeah right.  
  
“I’ve had worse.” I replied, honestly. His smile slid into an easy smirk. My answer seemed to satisfy him enough.  
  
“Just try to relax. Let me show you how good things could be, if you chose to be with me, instead of Michael. You know that my family and I could protect you. I’m twice the man that he is. I know how much you’re worth. He doesn’t. To him, you’re just something to possess. He doesn’t appreciate the woman you are.” Nick lamented. I couldn’t stop the snort that escaped me. I couldn’t help it. Is he serious, right now?  
  
“And you do?” I asked him, before I lost my courage. He looked over at me and nodded. He seemed to contemplate his next choice of words, carefully, as he continued to drive.  
  
“Of course I do, but you aren’t mine… not yet, anyway. Sure, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy the aspect of pain that Michael brings to the situation. Who wouldn’t? But, you probably don’t. Things don’t have to be like that with me. I wouldn’t force you to be with me, if you couldn’t even get anything out of it, yourself. I’m not heartless.” He continued. He couldn’t actually be serious – could he? Does he really not remember forcing himself on me, just yesterday? What planet is he on? “Things would be different, Lace. I’m going to prove it to you, while we’re away together. Just give me a chance.” He pressed. What am I even supposed to say to that?  
  
“I… Michael would kill us both, Nick. You know that.” I reminded him. Nick didn’t seem fazed in the slightest.  
  
“You know me, Lace. You do, but you don’t know everything about me. Your husband has more than a few enemies. I could protect you. I never would have said anything to you, unless I absolutely sure.” He argued. If I did anything but agree with him, I had no idea what he would do. Right now, I just can’t take that chance.  
  
“Okay,” I agreed. His face lit up and he broke into a grin.  
  
“Okay?” He echoed. I nodded, not trusting myself to use my voice again. “You won’t regret this.” He promised, before reaching over the center console in his car to hold my hand and give it a gentle squeeze. I don’t know what to think. “Just give me until our retreat is over to prove it to you.”  
  
“Okay,” I agreed, again. What did I just get myself into?


	4. The spa

Chapter Four:

* * *

When we finally arrived to the spa, Nick parked the car and hurried out of the car to help me out of the car and to open my door for me. He offered me his hand and I accepted it, momentarily stunned. He helped me to my feet, before gentling pulling me closer to him. He cupped my cheek, with his free hand, before placing a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. He let me go, so he could grab our bags from the back seat. He insisted on carrying in everything himself and continuing to open all of the doors for me. Is he even the same person? I’ve never seen this side of him, ever. Consider me floored.

* * *

Michael had booked us a room together, no surprise there. There were two separate beds in our room… that much I expected. We’re here for a week and Michael is out of town for two. We have the next few hours to unpack and settle in.

* * *

“What do you say, Lace? You wanna break in our bed? We’re gonna be here for a week. We may as well enjoy it.” Nick suggested. I felt a chill trickle down my spine. Honestly, though, I’m surprised he waited this long to ask. “Let me make it up to you. Just give me a chance. Let me show you that I don’t want this to be about me. Let me pleasure you.” He begged. My mouth fell open. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I really don’t.

“I… what?” I asked, still dumbstruck. Is he serious? I can never truly tell with him. Sometimes, he’s easy to read, other times, he’s not.

“You heard me right, Lace. Please let me show you; I’m begging here, baby girl.” He actually got down on his knees and pressed kisses over my clothed abdomen. My breath hitched. He was causing something to stir inside of me that I didn’t even think existed anymore. “I’ll make you feel so good. I know you’re still healing. I’ll be gentle. I promise.” I felt flushed all over my body. What was he doing to me?

I nodded, before I could overthink things or stop myself. I know that I can’t afford to say no, but what scares me is that I’m not sure if I want to. What’s wrong with me?

Nick’s lips were on mine, before I could think about it anymore. I gasped against him and clutched his shirt, trying to anchor myself somehow. Why can’t I concentrate on anything? I can’t. I can’t focus on anything, but him. That’s not like me.

His tongue ran along my bottom lip and coaxed my mouth open. Nick kissed me with an unnerving gentleness that shook me to my bones.

* * *

I was on my back, before I knew it. My panties were off and dress skirt was pooled around my waist. Nick was dead-set on making me feel good… and hot damn did he deliver. Everything kept going in and out of focus. Why is everything spinning? Did he slip me something?

A scream made me jump. I convulsed, as I realized the scream was coming from me. Only then, did I realize the intense pleasure I was feeling. I can’t remember the last time I felt anything like this. Whoa.

“Come on, babe.” Nick panted. He was stripping out of his clothes and started on my dress, but I shook my head to stop him. He left it alone, but maneuvered me, so I was straddling his lap. He pressed his lips against mine and I could feel myself getting lost in him, again.

I whimpered, when I realized he was lowering me down onto his cock. I hissed, because of my tenderness down there. He gave an experimental thrust with his hips and the pain was forgotten. He kept moving, but kept his thrusts slow. I clung to his shoulders, as he kept hitting the spot that had me seeing stars.

“You gave me something.” I moaned. It wasn’t a question. We both knew that much. There’s no way that I would go along with this so easily, if he hadn’t.

“Just to help loosen you up, Lace. It’s so hard to get you to let your guard down.” He grunted, starting to move faster, harder. “Tell me that you’re not enjoying this.” He dared me.

“I am.” I gave in. I couldn’t lie to him, not like this. This made me feel too close to him – too intimate – but that’s what he wanted.

“That’s all I wanted, baby.” He breathed. I was moving my hips against his. This is a first. I’ve never actively participated in sex with him before. He’s always just taken what he’s wanted, including me. “Fuck, Lace, I’m close. I’m not coming without you.” He grunted. He used his thumb to make jerky movements against my clit and I felt my release starting to swallow me whole. “God, baby girl, I wish Michael could see you like this. You have no idea how hot you look… If he saw this, he would know that you were never really his. I can see the surprise on his face. Wouldn’t you love that? Having me fuck you, while he was tied up, just watching? I’d make you come so hard. I’d make sure that he knew you were mine. Wouldn’t you love that?” He rasped. It’s getting harder and harder for him to talk. I can tell he’s getting close. “Tell me.” He demanded.

“What?” I whispered. I’m so out of it.

“Say you’re mine, Lace. Say it. I need to hear it.” He coaxed.

“Yours,” I mumbled. His fingertips dug into my waist.

“Say my name.”

“Nick,” I gasped, as I came. I convulsed against him.

“Lace, fuck, you’re mine.”

* * *

I woke up feeling exceptionally groggy. I remember sex with Nick and showering at some point afterwards, but not much else.

His arm was tucked around my waist. He used it to move me even further into his embrace. I gave an experimental wiggle, but Nick wouldn’t budge. It wasn’t uncomfortable, not physically, bit I felt exposed. It was too close for comfort.

“Go back to sleep, Lace. We don’t have any treatments scheduled until this afternoon.” Nick breathed. I gave an involuntary shudder against him.

“Nick,” I whispered.

“Yeah, baby?” He asked.

“What happened last night? Everything is in pieces. Why can’t I remember?” My voice got increasingly louder, as I began to panic.

“You let me love you… We had sex – amazing, hot sex. I just gave you a little something to help you relax. There’s no way you would’ve let it happen otherwise. I just… I wanted one night with you that you weren’t afraid of me.” He explained. Fear crept up my spine. I feel sick. How could he do something like that, without telling me?! How is this hell my life? “Don’t worry, baby girl. We can recreate it as often as you want. I want you to remember everything we do together. I won’t need those drugs again.” He promised. “How are you so beautiful in the morning?” He asked me. I didn’t say anything… I was afraid to answer.

“I don’t want this. Not now… Not after last night.” I admitted. He moved me on my back, so I was looking up at him.

“Can’t you see that I want you?” He asked me.

“What about what I want?” I breathed. He started to grind his pelvis against mine. I couldn’t swallow my gasp or his the fact that he was making me noticeably wet. Tears welled into my eyes. I don’t want this.

“You don’t want me? That’s not what your body is telling me. You might not remember what happened last night, but your body does. Let me remind you how good it can be. I want you to enjoy this, too.” He pleaded. I shook my head. No. I won’t. I can’t… not again.

“N-Nick,” I stammered. “You said you would treat me right. Y-You said that you would show me, while we were here. Forcing this… that’s not showing me anything, other than you’re no different than Michael.” I forced myself to say, before I lost my nerve. He sighed, with a nod.

“You’re right.” He huffed. I blinked in disbelief. “Can I kiss you at least… and then maybe we can see where this goes?” He asked me. I nodded, awestruck. They’ve never asked me that before. His lips touched mine tenderly and I already knew that I was beginning to melt into the kiss. He let me say no and he didn’t push it. But, will he really listen if I don’t want to have sex with him? If I go along with it, at least it will be better for me… hurt less.

Is this what I was feeling last night? He’s making me feel things that I haven’t felt since my first time, with Michael. I’m never so responsive with them. It’s like I’m addicted to his touch. He makes me feel like he actually wants me… not just power over me. It feels so good to feel wanted, not just owned.

* * *

“St-stop,” I muttered. My body was reeling and I can’t take anymore. Nick and I didn’t have sex, but he spent the last hour trying to get me off as many times as possible. I lost count, after three.

“I could watch you do that all day.” He smirked, before he kissed his way up my body.

“I can’t take anymore. I’m exhausted.” I panted.

“How about a bath and a nap, before our massages?” He suggested.

“That sounds great.”


	5. Do you trust me?

Chapter Five:

* * *

Nick and I have been here at the retreat for a few days and I’m still not sure how I feel about everything. A big part of me knows that this has to be too good to be true… but is it so wrong to try and enjoy it?

I have no idea what I should I do… Would Nick really be any better than Michael? With Michael, at least I know what to expect… But with Nick, he tries to at least treat me right some of the time.

I didn’t realize just how much I’ve missed it, until now. Someone can only go without human affection for so long… Maybe I would be better off with Nick? Heaven help me. If I don’t make the right choice, these two will surely be the death of me. But if I do nothing, they’ll be the death of me, anyway. What have I really got to lose? There’s no way that things could possibly get any worse than they are now. What if I take a chance and things get better? I know what I need to do. I’ve made my decision. My mind has been made up, I just wasn’t ready to admit it to myself yet. I just hope I survive this.

* * *

“Baby girl, what are you thinking about?” Nick asked. I kept gnawing at my bottom lip. I didn’t know how to answer him. Do I really want to do this? Once I say it… there’s no going back… Fuck my life. “Lace, I asked a question, baby.” Nick’s voice became a little harder. I flinched and forced myself to focus on my current situation.

“I’m sorry. I’m just… nervous.” I admitted. “If we did do this, how can you guarantee that you could keep me safe from Michael?” I asked him. I tried to keep my hopefulness out of my voice. “The last time I tried to leave him, I almost died. He tried to kill me, Nick.” I reminded him. His eyes lit up, when he realized what I was hinting at.

“I need a couple of weeks to get everything set in place. Lace, if you’re serious about this, I’ll make this happen. Do you trust me?” He asked me. I forced myself to nod quickly, even though I wasn’t sure that I did. Everything I did – everything I’m doing – is out of self-preservation at this point.

What the hell have I gotten myself into? **_Fuck._**


	6. Too soon

Chapter Six:

* * *

The rest of the retreat passed by quickly. I was anxious and despite keeping up with my meds, nothing I did could help me shake the feeling. I did my best to give Nick what he wanted and to keep him happy.

True to his word, he never once laid a hand on me. Maybe he was telling the truth? Maybe he doesn’t need the violence to get off? Maybe, just maybe, he’s not as bad as Michael? I wish that I knew. I don’t know what to think.

* * *

Too soon, we were back at my apartment. It made reality come crashing down. I wasn’t ready to face the music, but that didn’t matter. Michael wouldn’t be back for at least another week, but being back… it made everything feel so real.

* * *

I tried to distract myself by burying myself in chores. It didn’t work as well as I had hoped. I was still picturing worst-case scenarios in my head. I jumped when I heard a knock at the door. I wiped my hands on my yoga pants, before opening the door.

“Brian,” I said in surprise. He gave me a friendly smile. Despite my frazzled nerves, his authenticity made it easy to return it.

“Hey, sorry if I could you at a bad time, but I wanted to return your Tupperware, before I forgot again.” He explained.

“Oh, that’s so thoughtful of you. Thank you.” I accepted the clean dishes.

“I should be the one thanking you. That was the first home-cooked meal I’ve had, since I moved here.” He admitted. Why can’t everyone be as genuine as Brian seems to be? In a better life, I’d be married to someone like him.

“I’m happy to help.” I told him.

“Is Michael around? I wanted to thank him for recommending some local spots?” He asked. I shook my head.

“He’s actually out of town with work, until the week after next.” I replied.

“So, you’ll be stuck all by your lonesome, too?” He said in a teasing voice. I nodded. “But he seems like the type of guy who would keep close tabs on you, huh?” His voice was soft, but his words told me that he wasn’t stupid or naïve to the attention.

“You could say that.” I shrugged. Just then, my phone went off. “I’m sorry. Give me just a second.” I said, as I fished my phone out of my pocket. “Hello?” I breathed.

“Hey baby, how’s my girl?” Nick asked me.

“I’m fine. Brian stopped by to return some dishes.” I told him.

“Good. You’d go stir-crazy cooped up there all alone all day. Have fun. I’ll pick up dinner and some of that wine you like.” He ended the call.

“Do you want to come in?” I asked Brian, as I directed my attention back to him. He nodded and stepped inside. I shut the door, before I said anything else. “Look, I’m not confirming or denying anything, but for your sake, I wouldn’t say anything like that in front of Michael or Nick. Okay? My husband has a nasty temper and Nick is his best friend. He tells him everything. I just don’t want something to happen to you.” I warned him, with a sigh.

“I can handle myself, but I appreciate the warning. Are you okay, though? The last time I saw you, you had a busted lip and you looked like you’d been roughed up.” He pressed.

“I’m fine.” I shrugged.

“If you’re ever not and you need somewhere to go, you can come to my place. I keep my spare key under the welcome mat.” He told me.

“Thank you, but this is my mess. I’m not going to involve anyone else.” I declined his offer.

“My offer stands.”

* * *

We ended up watching _The Punisher_ and making brownies. Brian lost his shit, when I had admitted that I hadn’t seen the Netflix series yet.

* * *

“Well, isn’t this cozy?” Nick mused, as he walked into the living room. I was sitting on the couch and Brian was sitting on the floor, on the opposite end. There was nothing to even be suspicious of.

“Um…” was all I managed to get out.

“Relax, Lace, I’m kidding. Lace mentioned that you dropped by, so I ordered extra food, Brian. I hope you’re cool with Chinese.” Nick said with a dazzling smile. I still can’t get a read on him. I don’t know if he’s pissed or not.

“Yeah man, that sounds great. Thanks.”

* * *

Dinner passed by without incident. It was nice, actually. We both walked Brian to the door, again making sure that he left with leftovers.

* * *

“Michael would’ve punished you for that, but I’m not him. Am I, baby?” Nick asked me. I shook my head. “I’m not thrilled that you were spending so much time with another man, but I get it. You need friends. You have needs, just like I do. Will you help me take care of my needs, baby girl?” The way that Nick asked me, it didn’t sound like a question.

“Of course,” I whispered.

“Come on. I want to fuck you on your bed. Michael might not be here to see it, but at least I’ll know you’re mine and that we christened the bed you two share.” Nick smirked. I let him lead the way, hoping that everything wouldn’t come crashing down on me.


	7. No saint

Chapter Seven:

* * *

My phone was ringing and it pulled me from my slumber. For once, I was having dreamless sleep. I fumbled trying to find my phone. Fear shot through my body. There was only one person who would be calling me – Michael.

“Hi Michael,” I yawned into my phone. I was struggling to keep my eyes open. I was exhausted. Nick stirred next to me and I knew that he would be awake soon enough.

“Hey baby girl, how are you doing? Nick says you’ve been behaving yourself and keeping up with the household duties and keeping up appearances with Brian.” Michael replied. I bit my lip and nodded, even though he couldn’t see me.

“I’ve been fine. I’ve just been doing what you told me. You told me to be good. You know that I just want to make you happy.” I breathed. Nick started feeling me up, like he had something to prove.

“That’s my girl. That’s what I want to hear. When I get home, you’re gonna get your reward, baby. Would you like that?” He asked me, as Nick pushed me back against the bed. He was pulling off my underwear and kissing his way down my torso. I shot him a warning look and prayed that Michael couldn’t tell that anything was amiss or hear anything wrong from his end.

“I would love that.” I admitted, quietly. Nick’s tongue shot inside my heat and I jumped. I bit down on my lip to keep quiet. A metallic tang filled my mouth and I knew that I broke skin.

“Keep it up, baby. I’m proud of you. I can’t wait to see you. I’ll be busy the next few days. If I don’t touch base, don’t worry. Let Nick know if you need anything. He’ll take care of you, while I’m away. Behave yourself. Do you hear me?” He said, sternly.

“I hear you.” I promised. Nick was doubling his efforts and it was hard to swallow the noises.

“Good girl. I love you.” He lied, smoothly.

“I love you, too.” I fought to keep my voice even. Michael hung up and I tossed my phone.

“Do you love him?” Nick asked, moving his face from in between my legs. I shook my head. He gave me a sly smirk, as he slipped his fingers inside of me. “Do you love me?” He pressed. My jaw dropped and fear ricocheted through my body.

“I don’t know. I feel like I’m falling for you. I care about you and that scares me.” I told him, as honestly as I could. I can’t lie to him convincingly, not like this. Surprise flashed across his face. My honesty caught him off guard.

“You’ll get there.” He decided. I nodded. “I love **_you_** , baby girl.” He told me. I didn’t say anything. They both call me that. I wish he would call me something else.

* * *

The sex wasn’t bad. It hasn’t been bad, since we went away together. He’s made it a point to make sure that I enjoy it as much as he does. In a way, it’s almost worse this way. It’s harder to guard myself. It’s harder to not feel things for him. It’s hard not to get used to his kindness. He’s been so gentle with me. I’m growing to crave it. That alone terrifies me.

“I’m getting documents together with an alias for you. If we’re going to do this, we’ll both need aliases, good ones. We’ll move across the country and we won’t look back. He won’t be able to touch you. You’ll be mine.” Nick told me, as we sat together on the couch. I nodded. My mind was working on overdrive. I was becoming hopeful. I might actually be getting out. I never thought I would get away from Michael alive.

“Okay.” I breathed. This was really happening. Wasn’t it?

* * *

Our communications have been careful. We’ve only texted on Kik, when it wasn’t a message that could safely be read by my husband. He monitors my texts. I couldn’t afford to get caught.

We got the idea from Brian. He asked me if we could trade numbers, after we binge watched _The Punisher_. I gave him my number, but tried to discourage him from texting me. He suggested we chat on Kik. Nothing could be traced that way.

* * *

“Brian is going to meet us for Thai later.” Nick told me, as he was getting dressed for work. I nodded, trying to mask my surprise. It baffles me that both Nick and Michael seem to like our new neighbor. Nick is deadest on proving that he’s different, by letting me have a friend. I don’t see the friendship lasting, once Michael is back. He’s bound to be jealous and punish me for it. Nick seems to curve his jealousy by asking for more sexual favors.

I’m not naïve. I know that Nick is no saint. He’s possessive and jealous. But he seems to be the lesser of two evils. He hasn’t laid a hand on me, since Michael has been away. I’m not sure if that will last. I’m terrified that it won’t.

I’ve probably confided too much to Brian. I know that he doesn’t trust either of them, but he seems resolved to be friends with me. I have no idea why. He has nothing to gain. I’m just drama, issues, and baggage wrapped up in a scarred package.


	8. Don't Wait Too Long

Chapter Eight:

* * *

Things went about as smoothly as they could, while Michael was away. Nick had basically moved in and Brian had been around a lot more. He hadn’t come out and said it, but he behaves like he’s afraid to leave me alone for too long… It’s unnerving. I’m not used to someone caring, like that. It makes me feel relieved and uncomfortable, all at the same time.

* * *

“Would you ever consider being my wife?” Nick asked me, out of the blue one day. I looked up at him, in shock. Did he really mean it? What choice do I have? I’m honestly not that surprised, with how possessive he is… In some ways, he’s just like Michael. In other ways, he’s the opposite.

“I don’t know,” I told him, honestly. “I’ve been married and I hate it. I’ve never been happy… You don’t have to be married to be any more devoted or to love any harder. I’m tired of feeling owned.” I admitted. Brian coughed and drew my attention back to him. I had forgotten he was here. I’m surprised that Nick lets him come around, as often as he does.

“Fair enough,” Nick said, letting the subject drop. But, for how long? He hasn’t tried to keep our affair a secret from Brian. But, we both trust him not to say anything. I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve his friendship or his loyalty, but I’m thankful to have it.

* * *

Nick left for a work conference, leaving me and Brian to watch movies. I knew there was something he wasn’t saying, I just didn’t know what it was.

“Do you really want to be with Nick? Is he really that much better than Michael? He seems just as possessive and likes to put his hands on you.” Brian pressed.

“He might be the better choice, if it means I finally get away from Michael.” I breathed. “I want a less painful life. I think Nick can offer me that… I’ve left Michael before. Well, I tried to. He almost killed me, before dragging me back. I was pregnant. It was years ago. He killed the baby… I miscarried, because of his attack. I never tried to leave him, again. Nothing happens without his say so. Nick is much kinder that he is… He at least tries to be kind to me. Lately, he treats me like we’re almost a normal couple. Is it really so bad to want that?”

“Just because he’s better, doesn’t make him a good choice or a safe one. It’s the same dynamic. You’re going to end up hurt, either way. If you want to leave them both, we can figure out a wat. I have friends and family in Canada. I have connections. I can get you a new passport with a new name and get you out of here. You wouldn’t have to be alone. I don’t have anything typing me here. Living here was only supposed to be temporary for me, anyway.” He proposed. I didn’t know what to say. Does he mean it?

“You’re serious?” I whispered, not trusting my voice to go any louder without cracking.

“Of course. I would never joke about something like this. You won’t survive, if you stay. We both know it. I don’t want you to die, Lace. We’re friends. I care about you.” He replied. I tried to swallow the growing lump in my throat, but I couldn’t. The weight of his words weren’t lost on me.

“I’ll consider it.” I told him.

“Don’t wait too long… I worry what they’ll do.”


End file.
